Remembering My Childhood on the Continent of Africa

 

It’s not often that I genuinely ask people to donate money for causes; the only other time I can remember is when Keliy Anderson-Staley was raising funds on Kickstarter for her Imagined Family Heirlooms project which, by the way, far surpassed its goal!  I know some of you donated and I thank you!! 

At any rate, I’m back on the street corner lookin’ for more handouts … not for myself, mind you, but once again for a good cause! My friends, Jamie (she of the bestfriendedness as well as the creator of the infamous Chrimmuhtreehead) and Abby will be going next month to do some work with the Amani Education Project in Kenya and want to help do a little extra something special for the children of the school in the Maweni Village.

 

Per Jamie and Abby:

As some of you may recall, in Fall of 2007, Abby ventured across the sea and landed in Kenya. Living there for 3 months and working at Amani School truly changed the entire course of her life. Next month, we're both going, granted for a much shorter amount of time, and we'd love to do a little something special for the kiddos while we're there.

Haller Park is a wildlife refuge not far (by our standards) from the village that the children live in. However, the majority of the children in the village have never been on any trip or any kind, much less a fun one where they might get to meet a famous hippo and tortoise pair. In addition to seeing fun animals and their first field trip, we'll also make sure they get a healthy lunch. However, we realize we can't do it alone.

If all of our friends and family included in this email were to donate, you would each only need to give roughly $3.91 to take these adorable kids on the journey of their lifetime. Though, we realize that not everyone will donate, so your generosity is really appreciated. Plus, any extra funds not used for this field trip will be donated directly to the school.

For more information on the Amani Education Project click here, and please follow this link in order to donate!! You may need to create a Paypal username and password in order to donate. Don't fret, creating login details is free, as is general membership with PayPal. Upon donating, you'll receive a confirmation number, an email with donation details and a link to print your own receipt.

Thanks in advance!!!

 

Artist: David Sedaris/ Album: Me Talk Pretty One Day (yeah, yeah, it’s an audiobook but I’ve already set a precedent… PLUS, Jamie went with me to a David Sedaris book signing, so it’s doubly appropriate)

‘Zat You, Santa Claus?

 

This morning (8:45 to be exact.. wah wah) I joined the Bell/Yartym clan for breakfast with Santa at the Aquarium restaurant!!!!!!  I had to explain to my friends at work that yes, there were children involved and I wasn’t going to, you know, meet Santa personally or anything.  I missed out on last year’s festivities so was happy when Mallory invited me to come along!

 

  

 

This is actually Paige’s second breakfast with the jolly one, but according to Greg, Mallory’s dad, at least she was awake for the whole thing this time.

Paige (looking as adorable as ever) and her cousin, Reagan (who is clearly not impressed). 

 

Paige Yartym: apparently throwing gang signs starts at an early age. YOU HAD SO MUCH POTENTIAL!!

 

And just in case you thought that the restaurant was an aquarium in name only:

 

   

                           Is that David Sedaris in there?!?!                                    I’M STARTING TO WRINKLE!!!!!         

 

BUT THERE’S MORE! The Aquarium is more than just a restaurant… and an aquarium.  That’s right, folks, there are also carnival rides and Lady Paige was NOT getting away without a ride.  Some of you northerners may be thinking to yourself “But Joseph, it’s Winter!  Isn’t it too cold for outdoor joyification?”  And, of course, like most northerners, you would be WRONG!!!!  In true Texas fashion, Santa not only brought toys to all the boys and girls  but 70 degree weather as well.  TAKE THAT OZONE!

 

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS, Y’ALL!!!

 

Seeing as how the holidays can be a taaaaad stressful for basically everyone involved over the age of 7, and, seeing how this post just happens to be about an aquarium, here is a fascinating video of the second largest aquarium IN THE WORLD. (That last bit was supposed to be read as if David Attenborough were saying it).  So take a chill pill—that would be a Xanex for my waspy housewife readers—and relax already!

 

Artist: Louis Armstrong/ Album: Christmas Through the Years

A [Double] Old-Fashioned Christmas

 

My favorite author, David Sedaris, also get’s a read during December with his book Holidays on Ice, which for some reason I always wanna call Holidays on the Rocks. It’s a collection of all his holiday themed stories and reminiscences.  We meet David the Macy’s elf in “The SantaLand Diaries,” the Dutch version of St. Nicolas (aka the former Bishop of Turkey now residing in Spain with his six to eight black slaves good friends who help him) and my absolute favorite, “Seasons Greetings to Our Friends and Family!!!”, best summed up in this way by the book’s Wikipedia page:

A Christmas letter from the Dunbar clan detailing matriarch Mrs. Dunbar's slow descent into insanity during the holiday season — belied by her insistently cheerful tone — as she is forced to cope with the discovery of her husband's infidelity, the resultant prostitute stepdaughter left in their care, and her drug-addict daughter's premature pregnancy.

[THE ARISTOCRATS!!!!!!]

Excerpt from Chapter 1, via The New York Times (follow the link for the full chapter)

I am a thirty-three-year-old man applying for a job as an elf.

I often see people on the streets dressed as objects and handing out leaflets. I tend to avoid leaflets but it breaks my heart to see a grown man dressed as a taco. So, if there is a costume involved, I tend not only to accept the leaflet, but to accept it graciously, saying, "Thank you so much," and thinking, You poor, pathetic son of a bitch. I don't know what you have but I hope I never catch it. This afternoon on Lexington Avenue I accepted a leaflet from a man dressed as a camcorder. Hot dogs, peanuts, tacos, video cameras, these things make me sad because they don't fit in on the streets. In a parade, maybe, but not on the streets. I figure that at least as an elf I will have a place; I'll be in Santa's Village with all the other elves. We will reside in a fluffy wonderland surrounded by candy canes and gingerbread shacks. It won't be quite as sad as standing on some street corner dressed as a french fry.

I am trying to look on the bright side. I arrived in New York three weeks ago with high hopes, hopes that have been challenged. In my imagination I'd go straight from Penn Station to the offices of "One Life to live," where I would drop off my bags and spruce up before heading off for drinks with Cord Roberts and Victoria Buchannon, the show's greatest stars. We'd sit in a plush booth at a tony cocktail lounge where my new celebrity friends would lift their frosty glasses in my direction and say, "A toast to David Sedaris, the best writer this show has ever had!!!"

[…]

But instead I am applying for a job as an elf. Even worse than applying is the very real possibility that I will not be hired, that I couldn't even find work as an elf. That's when you know you're a failure.

 

I actually had the pleasure of getting to meet David Sedaris (why am I using his full name?) when he came to do a reading from his then new book, Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, at a bookstore in Austin with my friend, Jamie.  Here’s how that conversation went:

David Sedaris: “Hello—oh, you look familiar, have we met?”

Me: “Uh, no… unfortunately not!”

David Sedaris: “Oh, okay. Well, where are you in from?”

Me: “I came in from Waco—I’m a student at Baylor University. In Waco.”

David Sedaris: “Waco, huh? I stayed at a hotel there once I believe.  It was… nice."

Me: “Yeah, it’s interesting.  I mean, Waco IS famous for basically two things: A. Dr. Pepper and B. The Branch Dividian compound massacre.”

David Sedaris cricket:  *chirp* *chirp*

David Sedaris: “Uh huuuuuhh. Well… thanks for makin the trip?”

The David Sedaris honorary wing of my library. (Chipmunk Seeks Squirrel and Holidays on the Rocks Ice are currently on loan to other lifestyles throughout the apartment)

 

Artist: The Carpenters/ Album: Christmas Portrait

- So no, this isn’t the real name of the song.  That would be “An Old-Fashioned Christmas,” but just this once I’m changing it up a bit because, quite frankly, I have no idea why someone hasn’t written a song called “A Double Old-Fashioned Christmas”… isn’t there some statistic somewhere that says sales of alcohol goes up 60 percent during the months of November and December? Is it also true that I may or may not have just made that statistic up? WE’LL NEVER KNOW!!