Today our store passed a big goal that apparently hasn’t been passed at this location EVAR, which is quite exciting for everyone involved. One of our managers was talking to me and another associate, Megan, and asked:
Nancy: “I don’t want to make it seem like we are bragging, but I’m really proud of all the hard work everyone here has done. Do you think it would be okay to send out some kind of fax to the other stores to let them know we made it?”
Me: SCREW THAT! I think we should put Beat this SUCKAHS!!! <3 PB 385
Nancy: Well… no. Any other non-incendiary propositions?
Megan: I could whip up something cute and a little less braggadocios… gimme just a sec.
So what follows, for anyone still even reading this post, is what we’ll just call “our artistic process.” (Or as my the store manager, Brian, affectionately put it: Burning through 900 hours of payroll for a cartoon—which, if fleshed out enough, could be some odd metaphor for my life). Some information is pertinent only to the store so I have blacked out those parts.
First things first, the initial sketching stages:
You can’t tell by the picture, but that tie is paisley
Nancy wasn’t so keen on having anyone think that the female was her or the male was Brian, even though Megan and I were CLEARLY bragging for the store ourselves.
Megan: So… you want me to draw a hermaphrodite?
Nancy: No no, of course not.
Megan: Hoooow about a…
Unsurprisingly, that didn’t go over too well either. For some odd reason Nancy didn’t think a robot exactly screamed “Pottery Barn”.
Me: Oooooh, I know how to draw a shark! What if we had a shark eating a fish with our goal written on it and said something like WE KILLED IT!
Full credit… Megan drew this, not me.
That one went over like a… well, kinda like a dead fish in a Pottery Barn.
Me: Ugh, fine.
Megan: What about a sofa?
Me: OMG, what about Chairy from Pee-Wee’s play house?!?!
The word of the day is: NERRRRRDDDD!!!
Nancy: Oh fine… just use your first idea!!
So here it is, our first and final brag letter!
NOT Nancy, knee caps and all!
And, just for giggles, Megan drew another one of the associates who had me organize the pillow room this past weekend.
NOT THE WHIIIP!!!!
Artist: Barbra Streisand/ Album: The Third Album